This rocking horse was a gift to me from my grandpa when I was a boy. My parents saved it and passed it along to me when our first daughter was born. As you can surmise from the photo, it’s seen better days.

We didn’t have a convenient place to keep it in the house any more. When I set it on the patio for the girls to play with outside, Kristin warned me the weather would ruin it. I didn’t care. It’s just an old rocking horse.

It’s become unridable – even dangerous. Pieces of wood have splintered off, leaving lots of jagged edges. So I carried it out to the curb.

Jaimes, my five year old, came out and asked what I was doing. I explained that Horsey was falling apart so I was leaving him out with the trash. She protested. I put my hand on her shoulder as we stood looking at the neglected toy.

“It’s just a rocking horse,” I said.

“Bye, Horsey,” she said.

Jaimes went back into the yard, but I stood there a moment. I could remember being just a little taller than Horsey. I thought of my grandpa—my papa, who knew the toy maker who made the horse. Papa died in a car accident when I was 19. I thought about him—his gentle demeanor and terrible jokes. I thought about his car—the smell of Winston Lights in the red upholstery. I’m not a smoker, but I’ve always liked the smell of cigarette smoke because of the way his car smelt.

I thought about Horsey sitting alone at the city dump. Abandoned and utterly betrayed.

I turned and went inside. I’m a grown man and he… no, it is a wooden toy.

I thought about the other neglected things in my life. Our unfinished kitchen and bathroom. The half-demolished arbor that once covered the patio, protecting Horsey from the rain. Other responsibilities came to mind, like overdue oil changes, projects past deadline at work, and my inability to explain the Trinity to my children.

Horsey didn’t go to the dump. When I told Kristin I was sad about throwing him out, she said we could restore him instead. I told her it would be just one more unfinished project, mocking my shortcomings as a homeowner and as a man. When I started crying she walked out to the curb, picked him up and carried him into the garage.

I’m normally not sentimental, nor am I naturally sensitive toward sentimental people. But today an old, gracious rocking horse helped me see that there’s room for restoration. That all things are waiting to be redeemed.

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1. Hanging out with Shawnda at Sember’s house. I thought she was in high school. (2000)
2. Praising the glories of Boston (the band, not the city) while driving a car full of college students up to Lutsen. (2001)
3. Decked out in her snow pants and moon boots, hanging out in the ski lodge doing anything but skiing. (2001)
4. MC-ing Toshavim’s George W. Bush Inaugural Bash with me and hating my guts. (2001)
5. Telling me I remind her of her little brother. (2001)
6. Laughing with Molly at me from their kitchen window. Still don’t know why. (2001)
7. Eyes lighting up when I asked her to go have root beer with me. (2001)
8. Tricking me into eating the parsley garnish on my plate on our first date. (2001)
9. Staring at me from across her living room just before the DTR talk. (2001)
10. Freaking out when I told her I was taking her to Boston (the city, not the band) to see the Dodsons for New Year’s eve. (2001)
11. Not freaking out when I needed her to spot the money to rent the car on said trip. (2001)
12. Kissing me for the first time on New Year’s Eve (she made the first move, folks). (2001 – 2002)
13. Not saying anything for about 45 seconds when I asked her to marry me three months later. (2002)
14. Walking. Down. The Aisle. (2002)
15. Totally owning our wedding reception. So beautiful. (2002)
16. Walking together along an English country road in the pitch black of night, singing and praying, scared for our lives. (2003)
17. Sharing the most amazing bread pudding on our last night in London. (2003)
18. Weekend babysitting for the LaRose’s and wanting to see her become a mother. (2003)
19. Telling me, if our baby was a girl, she wanted to name her Jaimes. She was so resolved. (2003)
20. Playing Tetris on her old Game Boy in the delivery room. (2004)
21. Cut open on the operating table for the emergency C-Section. So brave. (2004)
22. Holding our first daughter in her arms.
23. Re-finishing a dresser – looking so content. She was made to restore things. (2004)
24. Astonishment when I agreed that moving from Minneapolis to Austin was a good idea. (2004)
25. Making like a hundred breakfast burritos for breakfast-on-the-go while we were a Cares Team in Austin. (2004 – 2005)
26. Giving me 48 Days To The Work You Love when life got really hard. Fantastic helper. (2005)
27. So confused and so afraid when we had our first miscarriage. (2005)
28. So sad and so brave when we had our second miscarriage. (2006)
29. Sharing Giordano’s for the first time while stopping in Chicago to pick up the 4 Runner. (2006)
30. Holding our first foster baby in her arms. (2007)
31. Holding our second daughter in her arms. (2008)
32. Riding the tour bus in Savannah, GA. (2008)
33. Seeing our third daughter for the first time. (2009)
34. Smelling her perfume and kissing her when I came home from work today.

Happy Birthday, Baby!

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