We finalized on Gracie’s adoption on Friday, September 19th. I was more excited about it than I thought I would be. I mean – she’s been home for six months, so I anticipated this feeling like more of a formality than something really special. It was really special.

I was nervous walking into the courtroom – the same kind of nervous as when I walked into the operating room when Jaimes was born. When our attorney asked me, under oath, if I understood that by adopting Sevyn from this day forward she is ours as if she was born to us, I got the same dizzy feeling I did when the doctor held Jaimes up for me to see for the first time.

I’m not comparing the kids, by the way. I’m comparing my experiences with new fatherhood. Finalization brought a feeling of newness and permanency to my relationship with Gracie that I hadn’t realized was missing.

Yep, the judge will throw down the gavel early Friday morning and make Gracie a Donovan forever.  Knowing this date has changed my mood.  I’ll try to post more later.  We are all thrilled.

that was how we went home on Friday.  Driving off into the beautiful sunset with our car packed with every item from Gracie’s life, Gracie in the backseat, Matt reading a letter from her birthmom, music that I remember playing was a Shane and Shane song, “we love you Jesus, for so many reasons…”. I kept thinking about how deep God’s grace is to us.  To say it was amazing would be unjust, words can’t express.  Our time of waiting for our daughter was finally over.  It was a beautiful moment.  I basked in it I knew that life here in this world wouldn’t stay peaceful and beautiful forever.  It is beautiful but messy.  We came home and had a celebration with my parents, played Jaimes’ new harmonica, and had some Sara Lee Cheesecake.

It was a great weekend, a dear friend stopped by and had lunch with us on Saturday and then we had dinner at Logan’s with my parents as another celebration.  Sunday was also good for everyone at homegroup to meet Gracie.  At first she wasn’t sure about everyone but was very excited to see another little one, 3 mth old, Wyatt.

Monday was a different story.  A hard day.  My first day flying solo.  I think I came down with something yesterday.  My sin was shown in everything I did.  Gracie is grieving her fostermom and is a total daddy’s girl.  Jaimes was acting out.  It made me so sad to see her want to hug Gracie but not recipricated.  Just life happening.  Things that need to be worked out, transition period taking place, a new schedule to figure out, grace needed but not felt.  I know I need to be easy on myself, this is just my way of being honest with me and you.

Today is Tuesday and even though I don’t feel good it’s a better day than yesterday.  Both girls are taking a nap, the rain is still coming down, I have some Kristin time, the cool air is refreshing to feel today.

This week has worn me out.  Tomorrow we start our two day seminar for our agency.  I’m not even sure what to expect but I am so tired from this week I’m not looking forward to is just because I will miss seeing Jaimes in the afternoon.  The best part is that I’ll be sitting next to Matt for next two days.  Friday we will bring Gracie home forever!  I have a mess of emotions that are all tied up with what that means.

Pray for His grace to get us through.

Here is some video we shot during Gracie’s first visit. It was Jaimes’s first time meeting her.