Yes- things have been slow. Yes – we are sorry. We have been really busy. Busy with what? Well, since you asked, we started our fostering classes last week. Kristin and I had talked about adopting before we were even engaged. We got married, had Jaimes, and hadn’t really pursued it. With the miscarriages this past year, we started thinking it might be a good time to investigate the process. A number of friends have adopted through the foster system. Most of them have had wonderul (albeit hard) experiences. The opportunity to provide shelter, food, and love for children while we pray for the chance to adopt really lines up with our hearts. So we’re taking steps to become foster parents in the hopes that one of the children we foster will stay with us perminantly.
The classes have been helping us think through a lot. The first night was like “scare away the squemish” night. We talked about tantrums, traumatic experiences (the children’s, not ours), and RAD. After that night I was like, “Okay, baby – let’s lay it all out on the table. Concerns, fears – all the stuff we may not be sharing with others because we want to appear ‘in control.’” Personally, my biggest hesitation was the fear that in 7 or 8 months I would be holding a screaming baby at 3AM and regretting that we did this. I don’t want to be caring for a kid and regretting my responsibility to it. Again – it isn’t the 3AM feedings that bother me – it’s the possibility of looking a kid in the eyes who has been abandoned, abused, or both, and wanting to abandon the child myself because it isn’t “mine.” I had other hesitations and Kristin had hers as well. We talked at length about our mutual struggle over not wanting to “quit” because of what that might look like to the people we know who seem to have it all together. I won’t tell you how, but God was good to show us that week that none of those people have it all together. If you’re wondering if I’m talking about you – I am.
We have our last class this Saturday, and then (I think) we schedule a homestudy after that. So, we’re stoked! Upon further reflection, I realized that the notion of not fostering left me really uneasy – much more so than the fear of losing my zeal. The difference is that the discontent that happens when I contemplate holding off on fostering his due to a hope defferred – not a fear made manifest. What I mean is, we anticipate a lot of joy coming through (but not ultimately from) caring for foster kids. I really don’t think any degree of hardship will move me to regret caring for a child, but I am certain holding off would produce anxiety in my heart.
I’m busy with other stuff too – like picking up the slack left behind at work by a couple people that have recently left, trying to juggle 2-3 freelance projects on the side, and still making an effort to be a present friend and father. And husband 
I hope to be showing off some new work here in the next couple of weeks. Stay tuned.
I’m glad that you are no longer disillusioned w/my perfection. I love to help my friends anytime I can.
Seriously, I hear you about fostering. I think you guys are so wise to talk through all of this now, rather than at 3am when you are holding a child. I am so excited to see how the Lord works in your life through all the joys and struggles that will come with each child He gives you.
Thanks Lee Ann. It’s scary. But “good scary,” ya know?
I know. The closer we get, the more conversations we are having too (related to fears, etc). I’m sure we will be calling y’all once we get further in the process. You guys will be the pros, by the time we get started.
great post. greg and i felt the same way. and the first couple of days you probably will regret it b/c of the adjustments you’ll have to make…and then it will settle down and be ok. it is hard though, b/c you think, “we are busy now and this is like babysitting”…but that changes. God will teach you so much about his love for you and about what it means to give with no glory. i mean, this kid will not ever remember you UNLESS he or she becomes your child. BUT the Lord who sees your good works, that no one else sees -He will be pleased. May the Lord bless you and keep you…May His face shine upon you. call us and let’s go to cafe brazil.
this post made me happy. Reading about this made me feel that deep place inside where you realize there is so much more to life than yourself.
Wow, Bethany and I had almost that exact conversation last week. We’re on the same road as you, and it’s one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. I’m looking forward to our baby coming, but it has taken a lot of talking to get used to the idea of loving a child for a short time or a long time. Even after the “scare off the squeamish” class, I’m still not quite sure what to expect.
Yeah – it’s been a bit of a roller coaster for me. Most of the time I’m fairly confident. Occassionally I dive into doubts and fears. Overall, I’m certain this will be very good and very hard.